What a week!

Okay, so the past week was just terrible and hard, both emotionally and physically. As I have been a long time away from the business world and lastly was trying to study to become a certified  beauty therapist, whilst being trying to recuperate from the back surgery and depression, I have been coping only with the welfare money from the state. 

Well, now this year, since February the state is not anymore (if ever even has been) obligated to maintain the social welfare structure as before and now it is turned over to the governments' national pension office Kela and that change was ugly and pretty poorly conducted if I may say. I personally have now experienced how it feels like to be left without any income what so ever from anywhere and only due to Kela's huge error because of the huge pressure with timelines that they have there to go through the applications. So being unable to go to my physiotherapy session or do anything basically was causing me huge stress and many sleepless nights as well as I was trying to figure out how I could pay my rent and the other bills or even get food to my fridge. 

Even more frustration was  causing the phone service that Kela has for customers, well now it was a non-existing one due to the changes with basic income from the state to Kela. There was no way possible to reach anyone by phone from Kela or get an appointment time to their office. The first phone-time that was free was on the beginning of April and the first appointment to the office was for the 31st of March. 

 " The administration of the basic social assistance scheme was transferred from municipalities to Kela, and an experiment testing a basic income was launched." 

It is unbelievable how the administration from Kela/ the government "imagined" this change to go smoothly if before even the student benefit applications have made the whole system in the administration of applications to go up side down and if even the employees from Kela and social service office knew in beforehand things to go terribly wrong. 

The government that we have now is in my opinion making decisions with the expense if not solemnly but mainly of the poor, disabled and senior citizens. Huge cuts have been made from the benefits of the poor, disabled and senior citizens welfare and income. Many people haven't even been able to buy the medicine they need because of the cuts to their income or to their benefits. People are afraid of their future and if there even is one for them. The government has said that tough decisions had to be made and there is always some group of people that have to pay, so Finland can create jobs and that the export will increase. Well, ghee, thank you so very much! Should that statement help the ones who really needed the money for living and staying alive.

And may I just say but if everyone has to pay, why the government can (or even take it in consideration) increase their own salary? For me that sounds highly unfair that some dudes in suits can ruin our country, make people desperate and hateful against the government but also hateful against each other and to the people who come here as a refugees. Or am I totally wrong? I am not hateful against anyone but I do have to admit that even I have become a bit bitter because of the decisions that our government has made. But I can at least somehow understand  people who does because those people think the government has made way too many unjust actions that now cause the structure to become unequal as it already exist in many other country (rich-poor-homeless/paperless). And now it is now becoming the reality in to our country as well. If this is the prize to pay for becoming a country that doesn't have to take more and more debt every day is it justified? Or is it really worth it in the long run? My opinion is that it is not and that there would be some other ways as well but the problem is the chief of our government the prime minister who want's to do all the changes now in his command because as before no one had done anything to stop our country to get in a debt crisis so there won't be anyone after him. And he did say that he would save our country. But is the cost of doing that worth it?

Okay, so now that I have let all that out I can tell you why my week was physically so hard as it was. It was so because the whole week was quite demanding yet same time very painful. The pain that I have in my back got so insanely strong that I wasn't able to sleep, walk, sit nor stand..basically anything that I tried to do was causing more and more pain. Woohoo, such a fun! But still, I did some exercises at home with a gym ball (actually I don't even know what that is really called..) A big rubber ball, filled with air and the diameter is from 60 cm to 1 meter. Sitting on it makes sitting a bit more comfortable than sitting on a chair where the hurt to my back will get very strong...fast. Due to many sleepless night added with some crushing pain made me become a bit edgy and nervous. 

After just receiving some sweet messages from my beloved, makes me feel like all is possible and even magic can happen. Love does that, incredible don't you think?
There for I thought I'd like to end this writing for today or at least for now to the words   "Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve" by J.K. Rowling.

Hope you'll all have a fantastic and magical week!

xoxo SusaMarie

How to know what decicion to make?

Thursday, March 16th, 2017

That is a seriously hard and difficult guestion to answer. I personally think that it depends on the whole picture and the situation that your at. For me the one if not the hardest decicion was when I was in another country and my ex got "crazy" and I ended up making decicions that could eighter save my life or even end it.

That situation at the house of my ex caused me ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and has made my life harder than it was even supposed to be. You might be thinking that how did it make my life harder? For one, since that I have had a hard time to trust people and especially new people that I meet. Which means that if I have wanted to have a relationship with a guy, I have had to make so much work just to be able to trust him and just to notice that in the end I still did not believe him. At this very moment I am trying to create a trust to a man who lives in another country and yest, at times it feels like an impossible task to get done. But my decicion to trust him is stronger than the doubt. Meaning that at least right now, I am trying to do all there is to do for me to succeed in it. But does it stay like that depends on his actions.

With all this I want to let you understand that every moment and every day, our own decicions and acts can have huge effect on some other persons life and trough it also effect on ourselves too. So often when I am out in the City, I hear how people talk to their loved ones and friends and create hurt and pain and even disbelief. We should think before we act but also to think before we speak.

If we all, I mean every single person on earth, would think more befor esaying and acting, this whole planet would be so much different place to live. I bet, there would not excist us much hate and regret as there is now, people would be more happy and we would love ourselves but our loved ones and our sisters and brothers so much better than we do today.

But that all is just what if -kind of a talk. And we should start acting more and not just talk. What I mean by that is the fact that we, the humanrace, are destroying this planet every single minute more and more. Bigger portions than what a football field is, rainforests are being destroyed and just because people want furniture made of sertain wood but also for the reason that there can be put up some plantations of palm oil trees. And what does that do to our planet? It kills the planet just as cigarettes kill people. Rainforests are the lungs of this planet. They are where the pure air is coming from, they effect to the weather in many different ways. The more we destroy rainforests the more we destroy the future from ourgreat grand children and beyond... Also, many medicine have been found from the rainforest, the more we kill them the greater risk there is that we destroy the only plants or even insects that could help us find the cures for various illnesses.

If we do know this then why are we still doing it. Because humen are selfish and make unthinkable decicions every day and every minute. We need to start thinking more and especially think beforehand how our actions will effect to the future for ourselves but for the whole humanrace and this planet. This is still the only planet where people can live so we should take batter care from it and not try to bring it to peaces. All the wealth that excists in our world there would be a way to change everything and the course from getting destroyed too soon.

What made me think of such a subject was when yesterday I was reading the book of Carrie Green (She means business) but also listening a podcast where she was having an interview with some of the incredible woman entrepreneurs that she knows. I really do recommend the book and you can buy it e.g. from Amazon.

xoxoSusaMarie

Do Not Give Up!

For long I was in the belief that I wasn't good enough that I wasn't enough intelligent to succeed in life. My mentality and the confidence on how I saw myself was so low that it was almost nonexistent. I only saw flaws in me and the things I did. I felt I was completely inadequate.

To keep it short, I have experienced quite a lot and of which most are bad or horrible things and situations BUT I am still here and still trying to find my place where I feel at home and also working to feel myself hole and adequate. I am sure that day will come when I have reached and found those goals.

People have asked, how am I still standing and going forward, after all that has happened?

My answer is Because I always felt that I'm here for something better, something extraordinary and more significant than what I have done before or just being home and coping with the pain and loneliness. I wan't to show that now when I know what my purpose is I can start doing and living the way I have dreamed of doing. Basically I want to help others. And now after few grey hairs that I have accomplished to get from the experiency on dealing with the bureaucracy and all the petitions for getting some assistance or support, I have the knowledge to share. So that is the force that's moving me forward even when I am feeling down or beaten or full with pain and frustration, to be able to help someone else so that person doesn't have to go through all the frustration and humiliation that I have.

I won't give up! It is not the choise I want to make. 

I am here to show that you are valuable and you can do fantastic things during your life, if you choose to. But you have to work to get what you want and to achieve the goals. And how you do things make the difference and gets you closer to your goals or prevent you from achieving them.

I took the choise to change my life for good toward a better destination than where I was going before by drifting from one place to another. My journey really begins now with theBlueLips - RAW REAL REVEALING because now I have a well thought plan that I execute decisively and most importantly at first I am not  heading for the main goal but for the first semi goal and after that to the second and so on.

xoxo SusaMarie - theBlueLips

Even with just a spark of hope you can start living the life you have been dreaming of and start loving what you're doing despite the depression

Friday March 3rd, 2017 

Thank you for finding your way to my blog I really appreciate it.

Do you or your loved one or a member from your family or just someone that you know from somewhere have depression or does that person or you suffer from having panic attacs just when you least wish one to happen? Has the depression caused any negative ways to your everyday life? 

For me both of those mentioned above have caused many problems in my past. Now days I know myself well enough to know when the depression is about to caught me again but what makes all different is that now I know what to do to make it show and feel less. 

So, if you wish to learn tips and tricks but also to know how changeing the way of life has helped me to cope better with depression, keep on reading and remember to start following the blog because you have found the right place.

My blog is about expertise, knowledge and ofcourse about my personal experience in living with depression, panic attacs and ptsd. But also I am dedicateing my blog to empower women all over the world to see their full potential, gaining better selfesteam and trusting their abilities to cope in stressfull situations. This will sound really cheesy but still so it is true that even with just a spark of hope left, you can start living the life you have always been dreaming of and start loving what you're doing despite the depression. 

I shall share different ways on how you can start to make little and even bigger changes into your life. No matter if it is about how you organize your home, your work place or even your thoughts, I shall tell you what I have done during the past 5 to 6 years. Yes, that is how long I have been doing this self improvement but it doesn't mean it is gonna take that long with you. We are all individuals and we should never compare ourselves to someone else, but the truth is that it is the exact thing we tend to do.

The aim is to reach all those who feel like they are being treated as "freaks" of anykind. To reach all the people who are suffering from depression, ptsd, panic attacs or chronic pain and eating loads of medicine that the Doctors have subscripted for them. This I say just because there are people and even nurses that think I am a drug addict due to the amount of the medicine I am suppose to take daily. If I could I would not take not even one pill ever. But if I stop the meds or stop takeing even a small amount I will loose my ability to walk at all. So should I take the meds? YES. Do I need any critics to badmouth about me in the ER at hospital or in the ward? No way. I am a person with feelings who doesn't need any more negativity into her life. But most of all, I want to be treated with respect as anyone else. Too many times I have been witnessing when nurses are batdmouthing about some patient or about their golleague. Can't help but to think that those nurses are not at the right job at all. Working as a nurse used to be a calling profession but these days it is no longer so. Today just as in many other professions people do the job just for the money and not for the calling they have.

For me this blog is the place where I can express about  my feelings and what I think about the happenings in my life that I see, hear or experience. I can share and let out the emotions I feel tumbling and growing inside and I may share the emotions of loneliness, sadness and hopelesness as well as joy, love and gratefulness as I am trying to survive alone, depressed and with different health problems giving me problems to my spine and joints in my body. 

I will explane  and show you how I see myself with all the inconveniences what those problems create or even make worse, why I feel myself to be super ugly and disgusting at times with all the urine tubes coming out from the stomach area and going to a bag that collects the urine and so on. It is my realityand it doesn't get more raw than that. But wait because it does get more raw. You see I am still single 37yrs old and should find myself the one with whom I could start a family. How or where could I do that and go to find him especially in this condition that I am? Who could ever see me behind the illness that I have I just can't believe I could have any hope of a family of my own. But...there is one special man who actually is seeing me despite all the rest. There for it is possible so don't ever loose your hope of something better.

xoxo SusaMarie